When one Child wants to Move out

I never thought this day would come.  My 9 year old son told me he wanted to move in with his father. 

My children are my life.  I can't imagine one single second of my life where they don't make me giggle, laugh, cry, or preach about something. 

I was crushed. I wanted to say "No, I want you all to myself" but I knew I couldn't.

You see...... I really can't say no.  His father is a great dad.  In as much as he was a terrible husband, he is always there for the kids, and would drop anything he is doing to rescue us. We have a great partnership now.  The kids call him whenever they need, he takes them on weekends and often on mini-trips when Mommy has to work late.  There is no doubt in my mind, he would bend over backwards for his children!

But ......  Ryan is my middle son.  He makes me laugh all the time.  He drives me absolutley crazy all the time...  He's always in trouble, struggles in school, but he is always laughing, his jokes are terrible, but he too would bend over backwards for his Mommy. If I had even a tear in my eye, he would hug me and not let go.  He has the biggest heart!

I can't bear the thought of not being with my baby in the morning or at night.  I can't bear the thought of not having to fight with him to read for his 20 minutes for school, or to tell him no he can't go play football outside because the dogs need to be fed. 

You see, I can't imagine my life without him.

And then I think of my dear dear friend....  She suffered a loss that I can't ever imagine.  You see her daughter went home, but to her home in Heaven.  She won't get to see her laugh, giggle, or have sleep overs.....I have cried so hard for her and yet have only met her daughter a handful of times.  I think how I need to be more understanding and share all of these moments with him.  I think how selfish I am being for not wanting to let go.

So when he asked again I looked at him and said.....  "Honey, it's your choice and I will support you"

Ryan is still home right now and I am thankful. <3

Mom....What happens when you get arrested?

If we ever listened to what our kids actually say, we would probably have some funny literal interpretations. 

Luckily, we know there is always a meaning behind everything they say that might not be associated with the words that come out of their mouths.

And might I add....When they become 12 years of age....The words keep coming and don't stop!!

My son said one day while I was putting on my makeup....  "Mom, what's going to happen to us when you get arrested."  I paused for a moment to wonder if he was just being a kid asking those nonchalent questions, or if he thought my choice of make up application was similar to that of someone who belongs in jail. 

After I was done looking puzzled, I asked him why would you ask that?  and he shrugged his shoulders and said "I was just wondering"....

It made me think of all the crazy things the kids ask or say....

Mom ....  I didn't pee my pants, its just a little wet....and it will dry when I go outside in the wind.

Mom....  homework should only be for kids who need it.

Mom.... I didn't wipe at School because there was no toilet paper, can you wash my underwear?

Mom....  I just threw up, but it wasn't your dinner.

Mom.... why can't my friend move in, I will give you all of my allowance...( This is the part where I tell you they don't actually get allowance)

Mom.... Can I just spray deoderant and not shower ever.

Mom.... One day I am going to grow up and have a job like you do and talk alot.

And always my favorite....  "Mom your the bestest mom in the whole world" often said when something terrible is about to happen.

I just love what comes out of their mouths!

"Mom I need a Twitter Account"

My daughter is a ripe 11 1/2 but she will make sure you know, to the day, how close she is to 12. 

I swear if I have to learn any more about the boy band One Direction, I will have given birth to them! 

She is persistant, I will give her that, but she also is growing up way too fast.

She has been bothering me for months about her wishes to have a Twitter account.  I simply ignore her and change the subject.  At first it worked, but she has caught on!  She tends to have the same sort of sarcastic tone as me, and for some reason, hearing that from her doesn't sound as good as it feels when I say it!  (Note to self: I will have to evaluate that).

Anyway, there seems to be a contest going on that the girls need to "Tweet" something and win a trip to see this boy band.  Not to mention, every few minutes.... I am faced with another friend of hers that she claims has a Twitter account.

I could be in the bathroom trying to find privacy, when she stands at the door to tell me another fact about why she needs this twitter account. I would be brushing my teeth, and she is spewing information about this boy band that requires her to "tweet" something.  She comes in to kiss me good night, and has to make a plug.  This girl is good....She reminds me of someone I just can't place!

Explosive Diarreha is on Line 1

Every single mother that works for a living gets called when a child is sick and has juggle and make that adjustment to their schedule.  I am thoroughly enjoying the fact that my children are getting older and Jacob is the only one left in daycare.  I sometimes feel spoiled.

Unfortunately, if you knew Jacob, you knew I am lucky there is only one of him.
He is quite unique.

A day doesn't go by that I don't wonder what the call will be, or what he will say to me before I drop him off.  He truly puts a smile on my face every day!

Having said that.....  I was in the heat of an extremely busy day.  I had several calls coming in, and just got out of a meeting.  My secretary buzzed my phone which has an intercom feature. 

The daycare is on the phone and I think it's important.
I take a deep breathe.

"Ms. Dykstra, Jacob has explosive Diarrhea....he is still in the bathroom and we are out of clothes"

I giggle and realize she may not think this is funny given she had to clean him up.  I wipe the smirk from my face quickly.  I am imagining Jacob in a stall in the school bathroom, enjoying being naked, and singing.  Anyone who knows him can imagine that!

Well, gee... I love my job.  I really do....  In fact, I love my job so much I was tempted for a second to call my favorite girl friend to handle this one...  Except she might still be a bit sour about the last time that happened.  Ya, next....

I thought I could call my mother....  which is very comical seeing as my mother is grossed out by a child that picks their nose.  That won't work.

I then realized....I may be out of options given Jacob's bowel history in town here.... 

"well, I guess I will be there shortly" I chimed.

I was prepared to wear my concerned face.....but I wish I had taken his picture when I got there.  He was smiling, laughing, and proudly announcing his accomplishments....

The face on the teacher was white as she held out her fingers, dangling a bag of clothes.

I was going to send Chocolate to school the next day with a thank you note, but I didn't think that would go over so well.

Playing with your testicls vs. going to Summer School

When its summer, the boys tend to sit around in their underwear after they get out of the pool. Or atleast I hope they make it to the underwear drawer!  Many times I have to suggest they not sit naked in the living room....

Well, one day I was getting ready to paint the Mona Lisa in the bathroom (hoping my 11 1/2 year old daughter was done with her hour episode of flipping her hair in the mirror) and I hear from the living room...... "There called Testicles, let me touch yours"

"Excuse Me?"  I said from the bathroom.

I hear giggles and then silence.

I peak into the living room, and they are both sitting calmly on the floor with that innocent look on their face.  I suggested they move from the floor and get ready for school.  My 9 year old starts to complain.

So I said in a sarcastic voice..... "So you would rather stay home and play with your testicles all day than go to summer school?"

He quickly jumps up "Can I?"

For some reason that didn't quite go as planned!

I really try not to starve my children

So along with all the watching what we eat, we have had a bit of resistance from my 5 year old.  He doesn't like being portioned out what he can and can't eat.

The mornings are pretty hectic as it is, so cereal tends to be the choice of the small children in my house.  Unfortunately Mommy didn't have any "good" cereal the other day, so Jacob decided he would pitch a fit.

I suppose I should also tell you that I don't listen or give in to young children that have temper tantrums.  I will walk away.  If they can't learn to talk normal to me, they don't deserve my attention.  (And I will be honest and tell you it hasn't always worked....but it has enough to make me happy).

So as my pre-teen is busy doing her hair for the fourth time, and my middle son thinks he can get a game of Wii Bowling in before he has to leave for school, the youngest decides he is going to scream about the type of cereal we have and he isn't going to eat.

I told him "that is all you are is getting, and here are your clothes."

Although I probably should have checked.....I really didn't pay attention to whether or not he actually ate the cereal I poured for him, mainly because I too was running out of my room, putting my heels on, grabbing my coffee before I met them in the car to go to school.

All the children had been deposited in their respective classrooms, and Mom was on her way to work.  Another successful crazy morning, I thought.  Then I got a text from my girlfriend who explained she overheard Jacob crying to his teacher that his mother didn't feed him and he needed breakfast.

Now, part of me felt guilty for not checking if he ate anything, and another was a bit worried I would get a 'bad' name at the school for lack of feeding my child.  (Unless of course you ever saw him....he's 80 pounds as a 5 year old).  Not to mention, if I had to pay to feed him every morning, I would go broke!  It's hard enough to keep up on the lunch accounts for three kids! 

So, quick thinking Mom fired off an email to the teacher, not just to save face, but to make sure that Jacob wasn't putting one over on us.  The teacher was wonderful, she knew me, and figured she would feed him this time. 

However, after picking up Jacob from daycare that day, he proudly announced to me "Mom, guess what...You don't feed me right?"  (said in the hallway with other parents around.) I said "Jacob I most certainly do" (in a voice they would hear) and he followed with "No, Mom its okay you don't have to feed me anymore in the morning...because they will feed me here at school"  Ugh!

So I take extra precautions that the children have eaten breakfast now.  The new problem, never anticipated, was that he might eat breakfast and his packed lunch, at the kitchen table while waiting for Mom to get ready. He said he got bored.  True story...
  
Not sure this is going to work out so well.... 

Never Scream and Run from Police... Especially when they have something of yours!

So normally we don't have a "run" in with any officers.  Infact, we know them all in town and feel pretty comfortable.  The kids have been pretty lucky so far that Mom is involved in local government, so they get a feel for who the "law" is and that they have to be extra good...

Well, the animals don't always agree!  

As you may have gathered from earlier blog posts, I am not particularly happy with our animal choices.  It isn't the fact that I don't like dogs.  In fact, quite the opposite.  It's just this dog that doesn't listen. I have also been fighting the smile I have hidden deep down inside that the cat decided to "walk" outside and just hasn't quite found its way home yet...  (not to mention, I am not so sure the kids have figured it out yet either)

So, we live in a small town and most of the time only see an officer that might stop by for food or a quick visit.  Seldom is it a real concern when the Police pull in my driveway.

Well, tonight was that exception.

Unfortunately, our dog Buster has spring fever.  He couldn't wait for a leaf, stick, or imaginary item blow in the wind so he could bark hysterically and run after nothing. We have a screen door that he tends to move open with his snout just enough his body can get through....  I have never had a problem, except the darn dog can't learn to shut the screen to keep the flies out!

Well, I was being the responsible one.... cooking on the grill with a glass of wine (of course)....contemplating just how long before I needed to turn the chicken.  (I had my priorities)  The kids were running around somewhere, not in my line of eye sight, but I was sure I hadn't seen blood or heard curdling screams so we were good. 

So, after rounding everyone up and sitting down at the table to eat....  You got it...  A police officer pulls into the driveway.  I am very calm and suggest to one child they get the door.  Well, it wasn't that type of visit.  The kids must have sensed it because they started to scream when they didn't recognize the officer and ran into their bedrooms....  really??  Are you kidding me?  That's like telling the officer your guilty.  Atleast act calm...  Or that's what I was taught.  (For no good reason, I swear I was a model child.... or was that college I learned that one?). 

Anyway...Mommy has to get up and see who it is, and find out why they are here.  The officer kindly asked me if I knew where my dog was.  A pit in my stomach just fell...  The dog as much as I hate him at times, plays an important role in our family, and I was just hoping he didn't have 'bad' news like "come claim his carcass"  He continued with "we found him across the street". 

Ah ha, relaxation sets in....which quickly turns to that worry .......about that "dog at large" ticket that I just knew this officer could be contemplating... 

About now I should tell you that this wasn't their first visit to return him.  Oh and I probably forget to admit that last year Buster really liked our neighbors dog.  He got out any chance he could ....and the neighbor lady would yell, scream, and call the police.  I knew my days were numbered...... 

We even installed an invisible fence....  They don't tell you that if your dog is bigger it might not work!

So we have this tie out...Which only works if Buster doesn't pull it out of the ground.

Geez...  I mean I could add to my  One - More - Thing - Mom - Needs - To - Do list.... But I am pretty sure that keeping track of a dog will never make the top. (I mean, I buy dog food isn't that enough...)

So back on the Leash...Hook or whatever it takes so Mommy doesn't get a ticket!   Or we might be taking up a Buster Collection!

The Best and Worst Part of My Day

We all have crazy busy lives, and I learned throughout single parenthood that nothing else matters except those little faces that are staring at you.  No money problems, no social issues, no discipline issues, nothing..... Not that I have been a model parent, because I know that isn't the case, but that I have learned what is important and how to cherish that moment. 

So eating dinner at the kitchen table was a tradition we installed.  That might even mean, we have to push all that laundry over and eat at one end of the table......because our schedules are so crazy we can't seem to get things done. But that means we are eating together at the table and talking.

There were several traditions I inherited being married for almost 12 years into the Grim Reaper's family.  I will say the family is amazing, and to this day his sisters are an important part of all of our lives.  Having said that....  One sister in particular had a ritual that we latched on to.  It is absolutely the one ritual my children will never forget.  And I can't thank her enough for the wonderful ideas to help us cherish these moments.  It seems novice, but at the dinner table we go round and each child gets a chance to say what the best and worst part of their day was. 

I have never known of a practice that allows you to learn so much about what is going on in your child's life. 

Of course not always does it go as planned...  I remember vividly one day Ryan started crying telling me the worst part of his day was when his best friend "broke up" with him.  Then of Course big sister has to chime in "Stupid.....Boys don't break up" (said in that smart sisterly voice) and then Mom has to step in.  But the point is, we all get a good laugh, cry, or whatever we need.

It has now even gotten to where all the kids are raising their hands in anticipation of telling me about their day.  I get to learn about their homework, their social issues, and the simplest of innocence that I just know won't last long.  I have learned some interesting things about the teachers, their friends, or even what their friends parents might think of me...(Which believe it or not isn't all bad.)

It has become such a great tradition, that even when we go out  for dinner Jake will raise his hand and start with the best part of his day.  One proud mommy is all I can say.  Now if I could just get them to pick up their dirty clothes.....or heck, clean ones too for that matter!

No matter what, Dinner is the absolutely the best part of my day.....

Always abide by the 3 "P" policies in our house

It’s rather humorous that as parents we tend to revert to our inner child when we talk to our children.  When the children are babies, we tend to talk like babies, and likewise when they grow up we tend to apply their logic.  So early on I realized that I will never be the “Stay at home” nurturing motherly type.  I knew my communication with my children might be a bit of "Matter of Fact". 

I seldom sugar coat things for my children.  It isn’t because I don’t want to, it’s just because I am not wired that way.  (Thank my unusual childhood for that).  It doesn’t mean I am not nurturing at times, its rather quite the opposite.  I just know that I am a better parent for having that “time away” at work and being able to pay the bills, so they have food to eat and a place to live... Oops, there I go again.

So when it comes to the frustration of bed wetting, throwing up, or wiping asses, I have tried to apply my own little character to it.  It’s called the three P’s…. Peeing, Puking, and Pooping.

I never had any problems with my daughter, but boys are certainly different, as I am learning.  So when my daughter has sleepovers, the boys want to do the same…. Unfortunately, there are secrets in our house that sometimes prevent that.  

That’s right.  Secrets.

 

My youngest has an issue.  He sometimes can’t make it to the bathroom on time and when he does, he seems to think pointing down somewhere is good enough, which causes us to pack several outfits.  He also tends to eat his food too fast, leaving him feeling ill and throwing up. (Issue for another day)  Not to mention, this is the same child that insists he can’t reach his butt to wipe it...hence the "Poop" Policy.

So when he wants to sleep over at his friends house?  We go over the rules….  “No Peeing, No Puking, No Pooping….  Can you handle that?”  He always smiles and jumps up and down in anticipation of a “real” sleep over.  It's actually very adorable.

So, I go over this set of policies not really for him, because he’s only five and he really doesn’t care if his friends see him in any of these situations……. but for me!  That’s right….I am being selfish yet again.  I really don’t feel like getting that call at midnight from his best friends mom saying “I just carried your son to the bathroom and he’s puking” or “I just wiped his ass.”  Wow…those almost sounded real (said is a sarcastic voice)

Either way, in our house we go over these rules usually before we leave for a trip, or go somewhere special.  It’s really become iconic in our house, and something I can’t wait to use against them when they graduate from High School!

Another Animal and our House is going to Explode!

So, I will be the first person to admit, I am a softy when my children fall in love with an animal.

When will I learn?

As a child, I always had a dog.  In fact, I always had a Labrador and often was found sleeping in his dog house.  He was my best friend “Bandit” (one of the few things I remember).  So as a parent, I felt it was important to provide those same values and responsibilities into my children.

It hasn’t been all good.  

The first dog after I was married was a Doberman.  I was scared to death of this animal and I hated it.  I don’t think I shed one tear when the good lord took him.  (And I swear I had nothing to do with it…)  

So, when the opportunity came, we had a pure bread yellow Lab.  Her name was Lizzy, and the kids loved her so much.  She was perfect.  Didn’t really chew up much and always rolled around on the floor with the babies.

So if you have one pet, why not add more you ask….They all are probably just as amazing as the one you have...I told myself!

Soon, it was the kids falling in love with a cat at the local Pet Smart.  NEVER and I will repeat NEVER go into a store where they sell animals.  That is my motto.  It was an adorable cat.  “I think I am allergic” I said to the kids, but we played with it and it never made me sneeze, so what the heck, let’s buy her!  

What I failed to realize, was that NO ONE but mommy was going to care for these animals….. That would be clean up after them, feed and water them, and pay for their shots!

Come to find out I was right..... I was instantly sneezing, coughing...thought how could a cold last for 6 weeks!  The tests came back.  I was allergic to the cat.

I tried everything.  Until my prayers were answered and one of the children left the door open and the cat wandered outside never to be seen again.

Then the inevitable happened and Lizzy was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder and we had a funeral and rough recovery.

Well, that wasn’t the end because they soon felt the need to raise hamsters.  Small mice like creatures that smell terribly.  The pet shop owner told me they were all male and were fine to have all three in the same cage.  Not being well versed in “hamster” I thought I wasn’t going to spend any more money on additional cages for another pet interest that wasn’t going to last long.  Well, it didn’t take long for Mommy to be disgusted by the cage and amount of work that no child would touch!  

Yet again, God heard my prayers and the hamsters took care of their own lives…Something I actually had to handle disposal of.

Then, it was time for another dog.  But the Grim Reaper was feeling nice, and said he found two beautiful Lab puppies and he would pay for one and I could keep them both since I have the rather large house and yard.  Well, all common sense was out the door when two adorable little yellow 4 month old labs hit your arms.  I accepted.

Life was terrible.

They ate everything.  The kids did nothing.  I had even had ulnar bone shortening and my arm was casted from elbow to wrist as I tried caring for these monsters.  It didn't take long for me to call the Grim Reaper to make his decision.  Take them or I kill them.  Well, he handled it.  Pure Labs are great hunting dogs and a nice farmer offered to take one.  We kept the one we "thought" was most tame.  The jury is still out on that one!

I just wanted a nice puppy to cuddle with....Is that too much to ask for?

Buster, an adorable yellow lab and lover by heart, is really my arch enemy.   He gives us that "I promise to be good" look, and when we wake in the morning, another toy or stuffed animal or pair of BRAND NEW HIGH HEELS is eaten up!! 

So being naive and inexperienced at carrying for animals, someone at the pet store said he needed a friend.  So when the kids wanted this "free" cat that some neighbors were giving away, I gave in.  Yes, I know I am allergic, but I thought if I left it out of my room, maybe I would be okay.  And I had three droopy, watery set of kids eyes looking at me saying they PROMISED to care for them and help me!

Boy, how many times does Mommy fall for that one! 

Mark my words.......We may not have pets much longer!!

Enough Said.