If your hungry....Just eat out of the couch!

From the day I brought my children home, they have been hungry.  I once tried blaming the pregnancy weight gain on the amount of food my children were calling for....laugh now, but I really don't think I was far off. 

They eat all the time. 

This Mommy has changed her ways for some time now, and its just killing the little people in this house.  I no longer purchase cookies, candy, or other garbage food.  Instead we are eating more vegetables, salads, protein, and fruit.   However, this mother recognizes a child's need for a snack here and there, and I have a basket in our cupboard just for those "snacks." Nothing too bad, mostly crackers, whales, fruit snacks, granola bars etc.

The problem?  you ask.... 

My issue as a mother, isn't just that they are filling their body with empty useless calories and fat with paying no attention to moderation....but that they LEAVE THE WRAPPERS IN THE COUCH!!  That's right....  They can't walk that 10 feet to the garbage can to throw away the wrapper....  Really??  They would sleep in a bed of wrappers if it meant they didn't have to walk to their rooms... 

I can just see it now, Mommy finally lands a date, and we get back to the house, sit on the couch, and it makes this crinkling noise....  That would be all the wrappers my children left!  And the date would probably end abruptly leaving the impression I was a poor housekeeper seeing as I keep empty snack wrappers in my couch!! The truth is, I am not the best housekeeper, but that is really even below my standards.

I seriously think they can't hear me when I talk because I find myself repeating the rules over and over.  So a solution was in order to help.  In fact, now in order for them to obtain a snack, we review the rules out loud.   After all, repetition worked for learning the alphabet right? I am not creative enough to think of something that rhymes that we could carry a tune to, so the new solution is simple.  One small child comes to me and says they are hungry and wants a snack.  I take the snack, open it, look them in the eyes, and make them repeat to me they will throw it away.  They seem to think this practice is funny.  And they are right, it sort of is... 

But the issue is real.  My couch will someday thank me...  Or I will get a date...  All of which sounds promising....

Boys and the bathroom...Where did I go wrong....

At some point in my life, I thought I would be a professional....Maybe have a nanny that would do all the things I didn't want to do, and have only those enjoyable moments that those "happy" families have.... 

Well, that dream was shot to hell years ago....

Now I am left with a crazy busy lifestyle, dirty house, a dog that eats everything in site, a cat (that....let's just say is about to "run" away), and children that fight....

I don't think there is such a thing as "Normal" in our house, but if there was.....  this would be one of those nights.  Oldest child is being unsocial shutting herself in her bedroom so she can't get "Cooties" from her brothers, and because boys are just "Stupid" I guess.  Middle child is almost in tears at the kitchen table trying to learn cursive.  Mommy is frantic trying to get something going for dinner, so we can stay on task and Social Services doesn't come to arrest me!  Then I hear from the Bathroom.... "Mommy"  "Maaaaaaammmmyyyy"  "I need a wipe" 

Excuse me? 
That's right....  My youngest seems to think he can't bend over enough to wipe his own but!!  Infact, he finds it humorous to call Mommy in to help him.  I have tried everything... 

As you can see from his evil smile....He enjoys this!

I tried ignoring him once.  He sat there singing, and calling my name every so often.  It was a pretty nice babysitter I will say! 

I tried teaching him once.  He just said he has tried that, and he since he had school today he didn't want his teachers to help him so he saved it just for me.  A true sweetheart!

I even tried leaving him, and learned quickly that I do laundry and I will leave it at that!

I even tried sending him to my girlfriends house because I knew she would whip him in shape.  Then I got a call from her that I owe her one!   Well, this didn't work out so well....  She now watches her clock and knows when it's time for Jake (since he pretty much is predictable), which means our visits our being monitored by his bowels....

So, for all the Mothers who moved on from changing diapers and were all excited those years might be over....Think again!!

We have a 23-19, 23-19.....

If you have ever watched a Disney movie you are familiar with the coined phrase "23-19" from the movie Monsters Inc….  I like to think that even though I am an adult, I never can get enough of those crazy movies. I find myself entertained sometimes just as much as my kids.  My other two favorites were Cars and The Incredibles, however after like the 20 plus time in a row, we find ourselves repeating phrases in our sleep. I just happen to find this phrase hysterical when shouted out across the room by a soon- to- be five year old, while wearing a super hero costume (that doesn't quite fit). I tried extra hard to use my motherly superpowers to button this, but it was a real 23-19 emergency! What you don't see here is the legs of the costume barely hit below his knees.  Didn't stop this my boy....

Outside of wearing their underwear all day, my boys enjoy wearing super hero costumes!  I thoroughly encourage my children to shoot for the stars.  If that means they will save the world from evil and wear a silly suit....I will be one proud momma!